Gentle Self-Discipline Is More Sustainable

Encouragement Is More Effective Than Criticism in Building Good Habits

According to classic research by behaviorist psychologist B.F. Skinner, positive reinforcement is more effective than punishment in establishing new behavior patterns because it directly increases the frequency of desired behaviors. On the other hand, punishment can lead to fear and avoidance behaviors and does not effectively teach alternative actions.

Research on self-empathy in psychology also suggests that when facing setbacks, self-compassion and encouragement help us gain a deeper understanding of our emotions, needs, and situations. This understanding aids in identifying and breaking the cues that trigger bad habits. Conversely, self-blame can lead to avoidance and procrastination, lower self-efficacy, and reduce the motivation to pursue goals. Persistent self-blame may even contribute to depression.

For Long-Term Change, Gentleness Outweighs Harshness

Positive emotional responses help the brain form good memories and connections, which in turn encourages the repetition of similar behaviors. Negative emotional responses, however, can lead to behavior suppression or avoidance. Being overly harsh on ourselves can trigger negative emotions like frustration, anxiety, and self-criticism, which can further interfere with the process of behavior change. On the other hand, treating ourselves gently and maintaining a positive and optimistic mindset enhances our ability to cope with challenges.

Psychologist Carol Dweck introduced the well-known concept of a Growth Mindset—the idea that people who believe their abilities can be developed through effort tend to be more resilient when facing challenges, making them more likely to achieve long-term success. By treating ourselves gently and accepting our imperfections during the process of change, we can better maintain a growth mindset, enabling us to bounce back and persevere when we encounter setbacks.

Moreover, research on self-efficacy shows that when people believe in their own abilities, they are more likely to take positive action and stay committed. Being harsh on ourselves can undermine this confidence, leading to self-doubt and reducing the likelihood of taking positive actions.